8 Signs That You Are An Introverted-Extrovert
I used to hate being by myself.
Growing up, I always made sure I had a busy social calendar. At University, my friends and I joked that all I ever did was study and attend parties.
It was when I moved to New York that everything changed. Now don’t get me wrong, I socialised in the smoky basement of 1 OAK, danced on the rooftop in PhD and sipped a drink overlooking the Manhattan skyline at The Standard Hotel. But I stopped doing it as often. Something had changed inside me.
As I didn’t know anyone at first, I was forced to hang out with myself. It was hard at first. Strangely, I think I had been too scared before. I remember sitting in my Lower East Side shoebox apartment, twiddling my fingers and staring at a blank TV that we always spoke about getting fixed.
I started to think about who I am and what I wanted to achieve in life.
Fast forward a few years living in London and now Dubai, and today, I love spending time by myself. I’ve rediscovered my passion for drawing and writing. Rather than partying, nights are now spent having a hot shower followed by reading an invigorating book.
I’m in my element for one-on-one conversations with people: animated, alive and passionate for information. I laugh loudly and speak with confidence and conviction.
However, with an arrival of a group of boisterous party goers, my talkative and energetic demeanour may be washed away. I find myself feeling tired and disengaging from the conversation.
“What’s wrong?” friends will say when they realise you’ve stopped contributing towards the group’s discussion, and you suddenly go from being fully charged to depleted.
If you are an introverted-extrovert like me, you will know how confusing this can for your friends!
An introverted- extrovert is when you are sociable and friendly or ‘extroverted’ yet you need time to recharge your batteries in solitude. You can be shy and reclusive or ‘introverted’ yet you love to make new friends and mingle.
Here are eight reasons why you may be an introverted-extrovert too:
You are selective with your social life
I’m now very particular about qualifying a night out. Old Briar would jump at every opportunity! If you are client facing and work a busy schedule like me, those nights in with yourself are important to keep up your momentum. Sometimes, we get so caught up in ‘doing’ things all the time, that we forget how important it is to have some time to yourself just to quietly think.
You hate small talk
I’d rather just get to know you and what makes you tick rather than beat around the bush. What I hate even more is when people are loud yet their conversation has no depth. I have no time for people who can only discuss their weekend plans or boys that they are interested in. Share your hopes, your dreams, your aspirations. What scares you, what makes you mad about the world, what excites you about the future? Being an introverted-extrovert means you love listening.
You find dancing in a club overwhelming
I love having fun with friends, although, when I go to a club these days (disclosure: it’s been over six months) I see people having what I call ‘fake fun’ e.g. dancing around the room, looking awkwardly at all the other people. It feels like being in a shark tank! For introverted - extroverts like us, we prefer a conversation at a bar where we can hear each other, rather than be repeatedly screaming into someone’s ear over the loud bass.
You like people paying attention to you ... when you want them too
Sometimes, I want to be the star of my own show Briar Inc. and other times I just want to hide in the corner. Ironic, considering I have a website and openly speak across my social media channels. Extroverted - Introverts aren’t cut and paste; we feel differently day by day and have disparate dimensions that define us.
You love having hobbies
What would I do without my personal branding business, Deals in High Heels and football? Unfortunately (or fortunately) my hobbies have now blurred into work so I think it’s about time I picked up my pencils and paintbrush again. Ever since I was younger, I’ve had intimate obsessions with various hobbies: water skiing, snow skiing, singing, acting, playing guitar, piano, swimming… I could go on. Introverted – extroverts love the quiet challenge of learning something new.
Your thoughts consume you
My mind is constantly racing; thinking up new ideas for my business, new content for my channels and clients. Often, I revisit conversations I had, analyse what I said and think about how I can improve in situations. I think about everything – from past life events and how they have impacted me, to how I define myself as a person and what pizza I'll eat for my dinner. I’ve tried yoga and meditation before in the past, but these days I find a certain comfort in my busy brain. Is this how you are too?
You’re bad at maintaining friendships
I’m bad at maintaining friendships, however, I think it’s partly as I move country all the time. Also, as an extroverted – introvert you constantly meet new people but you like the deep and more intimate “bestie” kind of friendship (my old manager used to laugh at how many best friends I had). Trying to maintain all these besties can get exhausting. You will always be a friend to these people but managing all your friendships isn’t one of your strengths.
You are determined
Many of the introverted-extroverts I speak to have a quiet determination for success. When they learn to leverage their personality (e.g. focus on the tasks, channel their goals, develop close relationships in business) they can achieve amazing things!
Being an introverted–extrovert can be confusing growing up, but once you get to understand your personality on a greater scale you will discover you have the best of both worlds, and get on with everyone.